Terrific Two!!

Time check:0215hrs

I was just on Facebook a while ago and I was reminded that on a day like this two years ago, I put up my first post on this blog. God knows the vision I had for it then, and still have now, was great, beautiful and probably just needs to be kept alive. So, I wrote. Then about ten posts down I haven’t written in a long time. Which reminds me, Happy New Year my readers.

So, to celebrate my blog, I want to share. I don’t know precisely what, but mainly about my writing. Well, maybe also talking too much, and thinking I can order it into paragraphs and share it with the world.

Most of you that come here know me personally. Some say I’m bubbly, always smiling, confident, amazing to be around. And for those who have gone to greater lengths to be honest, you have said that I talk too much and, as someone once even told me to my face, I know too damn much and it’s intimidating. To be honest, I like walking into a room and making people comfortable. I hate awkwardness and tension, so I read. I read about everything. I watch lots of “how to” videos and movies and documentaries from different times and cultures, and basically just do whatever it takes to be knowledgeable about things just so that I never have to be awkward or tense in new environments.

I digress.

When people notice me, they don’t SEE me. “What do you mean?” you ask.

I’m that girl who walks into a room, probably gets a few stares and relaxes people with a warm smile. This girl is the one everyone greets with a smile and a tight hug. Then they proceed to comment about her fluffy natural hair – an obvious statement of some kind – or those cute flats or about that post I put up on Instagram. She’s the girl who starts a conversation which is easy for her to do because she has enough ice breakers to last her through small talk and maybe serious deep conversations beyond the weather or newspaper headlines. She’s the girl who has people around her talking about how admirable and sweet she is. She looks put together.Oh, I’m the kind of girl who you can call for a fun night out or because you need to talk. Hell I’m not complaining, in fact, because all these things have a special place in my self-confidence compartment. It feels good to be that sort of person.

Am I pitching myself for a date? So what if I am! Hahaha!

Ahem.

All I know is, that’s the girl everyone notices. When you notice something, it’s usually out of your mind in a few minutes and you move on to the next noticeable thing which could even be a dull table cloth or a passing car. Or a cute cat video or meme.

So, is there a point to all this? Yes, so please stick with me.

Maybe what I want is for you all to SEE me. That’s why I started this blog. I wanted people to see me for the awkward black girl I am; for people to see a girl turn her vulnerability into strength. I want anyone who comes by here to be seen, to be heard in every story I tell, not for people to ask whether I’m oversharing. Because all I know is how to share. When the need to talk to someone or tell someone what is going on inside comes to me, all I can do is share what I’m feeling. I want people to see past my smile and the masks I wear and just see me for a girl who has a vision to make the world a less awkward place and a place that is more than just bearable enough to live in.

I want people to share my journey with me and to mostly be encouraged by it and get a little embarrassed by our silly similarities. I want to liken myself to Brene Brown when she says that she only started drinking because she needed to do something with her hands when all the other girls at the table got asked to dance. I want to tell you all that I met a tall, handsome man or had the most incredible first date, or maybe that I cried myself to sleep – without sounding weak, pathetic, bourgeoisie or whatever our opinions seem to be towards raw emotion. I want to talk about love and not have everyone go ‘that doesn’t exist anymore’ or ‘that only happens in movies’. I want reality, deep and bold.

I want to be vulnerable and not have the world point fingers at me for it in judgment. I want to tell my story, nothing held back, and not to have it used against me but to have it make something or someone different. I want to bare my soul and maybe push a button in someone to be different, courageous and stronger.

However, it’s very likely that the world, no, YOU are not ready to SEE me. And that right there kills the purpose of this blog. We all want what’s comfortable, so we settle for it. Whatever shakes us to our core is labeled as ‘oversharing’ or ‘talking too much’ or whatever you want to call it. So we quiet our voices and sit still and conform, we speak less, we write less genuinely and we’re careful enough to remain unnoticed, to not be seen.

So, maybe the world is not ready for me. I choose to fight though. Even if it boils down to being the only one visiting this blog. I will have told my story and let you SEE me. Because I refuse to be just noticed.

So as this page turns two today, 24th March 2017, I’ll take it as a sign of my coming to birth. I will take it upon myself to be a symbol of change,  an ambassador of vulnerability and a sign of love. I refuse to suffer and rejoice alone because I made a promise to use this platform to tell me my story and that’s what I will do.

So, happy terrible/terrific two to this platform. It’s going to be OK.

If you saw on my Facebook, I wrote:

“I wonder for how much longer we’ll use money, power, sex and more popularly now, comedy to fill our empty souls!!! We refuse to be vulnerable, in fact, we refuse to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, it’s weakness, they say, so let’s keep at it and soon, love will be just a word!!! Because there can not be love without vulnerability! 
#DeepThoughts
#VulnerabilityIsNotWeakness
#GiveLoveAChance
#PreachLove
#BeVulnerable

In conclusion it’s 0314hrs now, and I’m yawning so I’ll publish this and read it in the morning like I’m also a reader.

Let’s see how terrible and/or terrific the twos will be to us!

Goodnight, world.